Tuesday, March 3, 2015

my cup runneth over

It's been so long since I last blogged I'm not even quite sure where I left off.. Kenny is 7 months old. Eleanora turned 3. Now that we're all caught up ;) I can move along...

 I've been neglecting this blog over the past year not for lack of wanting to write. I love writing. It's therapeutic, it's clarifying, and I enjoy it. I haven't wanted to write because I haven't been happy. Sure, I am happy but I wasn't HAPPY. Ya know? ,But the last year or so has been rough. Moving from Hawaii, although necessary, was the hardest decision I've ever made and then actually moving? That was the literally the hardest thing I've ever done. Ask all our friends that basically packed up our house and moved us. Or my uncle and aunt when we missed our flights because I had the time wrong. I think, subconsciously, I was trying to stay. I would do anything and give anything to move back. But, that's another story for another day. And really another outlet.

Now, we are good. Levi's working a job that he enjoys. I am finally coming out of the 6-months postpartum fog (did you know there is a hormonal shift at 6 months for women? look it up. Or take my anecdotal evidence as evidence enough) I seem to go through. Nursing hormones are crazier than pregnancy for me. Tell me I'm not the only one! 

We have been living with my parents. It's been nice and so generous of them to share their home with us. I love watching my kids gain such a great relationship with them. I was Eleanora's age when my family moved into this home and it's a bit surreal raising her in the home I lived in from the time I was 3. Kenny loves his Bapa (which is fitting, since he is named after my dad) and Eleanora can often be found being Nana's shadow. Their little relationships are so sweet to watch. Levi has enjoyed helping out with "homeowner" stuff we never have been able to do since we've only rented. It's fun to see his "Tim the Tool Man Taylor" side coming out. 

And that's where we are at. I have days where my heart is so full it could burst. The phrase "my cup runneth over" plays on repeat through my head often as I try hard to hold onto those moments. I am so grateful for my little corner of this earth. I treasure my tender and kind husband and my sweet and innocent children. Here's to updating my blog more! Cheers!

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Kenny Koa's (EXCITING) birth story

We had a sweet addition to our family in July. Kendall Koa was born on July 22, 2014. He weighed 8.0 lbs and was 20 inches long. 

Kenny was so excited to get here we didn't even make it to our birth destination and he was born on the shoulder of the freeway. Levi pulled over the car just in time to catch our sweet little BOY! My labor went so much faster this time (and a week earlier). July 22nd is actually Levi's birthday. I had spent the evening making his dinner, breathing through "Braxton hicks" and getting his present all ready. Right before we sat down to cut the cake I turned to Levi and said "well, it's 9:15, there's no chance this baby is being born on your birthday. Sorry!"  

After we were done cutting his cake I stepped out of the room to lay down and breathe through a contraction. (This sounds crazy as I'm typing it, but keep in mind I had contractions with Eleanora for a week that were about 7 minutes apart... I just figured we'd have a baby in a week. Ha!) I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes for a minute. I could hear the party happening and everyone having fun. I felt a contraction come and all of a sudden I blacked out, it was so strong! I rolled off the couch onto the floor on my knees and hands. And felt a rush. Honestly, I thought I had just peed my pants a bit... But it was unlike anything I'd ever felt before. I called Levi in. He looked at my pants and said very solemnly, "that's definitely not pee." He went downstairs to get my birth bag all packed and I hopped in the tub. Kenny was posterior at this point and I was in a LOT of pain. I relaxed in the water and waited. Between the time my water broke and Kenny came only about 30 minutes passed. 

By the time we got all ready to go and got loaded up and on the road I was already pushing. for the record, I did NOT want to get in that car. Everything inside of me knew that this baby was coming... Levi literally had to carry me to the car in my underwear. No socks, no pants... Nothing. I'm sure it was quite the sight. ;) we were driving down the road, and I kept telling Levi "I need to push! I'm pushing!" Every time I would say that Levi would drive faster. When I could feel Kenny's head I finally screamed "PULL OVER!!!" My parents had hopped in the car to follow us, I case anything happened, and were a few minutes behind us. Levi called to tell them we were pulling over and the. Dialed 911. This is where my memory gets foggy. All I remember is Levi all of a sudden being at my feet on the passenger side and saying to the dispatcher "I have to put the phone down, the baby's head is out." And then there we were. All three of us huddled in the front seat of our car. Just like that. 

My parents walked up, cautiously, a few moments later. Expecting to see me in labor and pushing still, the look on there face is something I will never forget. True shock. After them a policeman came on the scene. Followed by the nicest firefighters I've ever met. They did all the tests and screenings on Kenny and me. We were stable and safe. A little shocked still, sure. I kept saying "I just had a baby in the car" to anyone that would listen. I still couldn't believe it! 


It was such a night of miracles. I was amazed that, even with delivering him in the car, I still had that calm, and beautiful, sweet moments after he was born. I am so grateful we were all okay. I'm also grateful that I had a firm conviction and knowledge all along that birth is a normal physiological function and, chances are, everything would be normal because my pregnancy was well monitored and healthy. I honestly, was never afraid and felt 100% confident in Levi's ability to take care of me and my body. 

I'm also glad we opted for the leather seats. ;)

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Ruttin' it up over here

I feel like I've fallen into a major rut lately. I'm as unproductive as all get out & I'm not quite sure how to curb it. Usually when I go through these phases I know what's causing it -- which makes getting out of said rut much easier. This time I'm not quite sure what to nip. I'm not sure if it's because I'm 32 weeks pregnant & just have lost all motivation. I'm not sure if it's because we aren't living in our own home & I've struggled to find my role. I'm not sure if it's because we have a pretty heavy burden on our shoulders at the moment & being "everyday productive" just seems so mundane and exhausting. Or maybe a combination of a myriad of things? 

I don't know. But I want out. 

I am banking on the fact that, historically, the deepest ruts precede something big. Something wonderful. Hope goes a long way when you're down in the trenches. ;)

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

my mom came to visit!

A few weeks ago my mom flew out to visit for a week. It was so, so much fun to have her here.
Sometimes just having your mom around makes life a lot sweeter. We had a blast!

IMG_2371 IMG_2375

^My brother, Dallin, is serving a mission in the Provo, Utah Mission. His 22nd birthday happened to fall over when my mom was in town.
His mission home is just 30 minutes away from Katie’s house.
We packed a bunch of hearts to heart attack him (ya know, hearts with sayings on them?) and a little gift. With his favorite, freshly made cookies!
We took a million pictures trying to get the perfect one of us in front of his mission home.
It was a lot of fun!



We ventured out to see a movie, just the 3 of us, one evening and ended up missing all the show times. So we wandered into the only store open at the time, a candy shop.
I can’t stop laughing at my mom’s face in the picture of all three of us.



I could spend an entire post on Eleanora & and mom. Eleanora is gaga over her Nana. When my mom left she told Eleanora she had to go home to make Bapa dinner.
Eleanora tells me everyday that Nana is coming back because Bapa has his lunch now. She loves her Nana!


We miss you, already!

Friday, April 25, 2014

Easter Keaster

Easter 2014 was a hit! Eleanora is at such a fun age. We do "Easter Bunny Day" in our house and Easter Baskets show up on Saturday morning. Friday night when I tucked Eleanora in I told her the Easter Bunny would visit in the night and a prize would be waiting for her in the morning! She went to bed faster than I have ever seen her. No story, only 1 song. Lights out. Boom!

Why can't the Easter Bunny come every morning? ;) Saturday morning did not disappoint and We ran out the door to make it to the community egg hunt first thing in the morning. It was a nice little hunt - sectioned off by age and varying sizes. Obviously, the 0-2 age group was mostly parents. The eggs were gone in less than 20 seconds. We made it out with 4 eggs. Ha!

overall, it was a dreamy & wonderful day. Each egg was like a treasure to Eleanora & she was more than content with her 4 little eggs. I was more than content with the free Starbucks hot chocolate. 

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

another post about my green tie guy

I was reading some old blog posts today. i am so glad i have levi in my life. even at my saddest, during really hard times... life is better with him by my side. Here's [a few reasons] why:

He is FUN!
Levi can make any situation fun & is always down to party
he gets on board with all my crazy ideas & helps push me to do them
He is an amazing dad. Not that I didn't expect that when I chose him...
but he's even better than I imagined he'd be.
He makes me laugh. Levi is REALLY, REALLY funny, you guys
he is my best friend.
I've never been able to open up to someone like I can Levi.
That says nothing about me [except maybe I'm a really private person}
it speaks volumes of Levi's ability to listen and make me feel heard
He is smokin' hott
He has so much patience. With himself, with me, with Eleanora, and with life
He has an unwavering faith in a really big God that is contagious

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

how to be 10% happier

Last week was glorious. We had a weather in the 70's, sunshine, and so much happiness!

Then Sunday we woke up to snow & rain & gray. bleh.

Also, incase you're like me and always wonder 
what is the proper way to spell Gray/Grey (in america) 
I saw a pin on Pinterest that made it all too easy. 
I wish my English tutor had shared this with me in college.

in America it's grAy in England it's grEy.

Easy, am I right? Don't say I never taught ya anything. 

I've been thinking a lot about humility and gratitude. I just finished reading 10% Happier (recommend it!) and one of the says something along the lines of humility being the cure for humiliation. I think that's so true. So, so, so true! This book is really interesting. I appreciated Dan Harris' thoughts on meditation and such. He's as big a skeptic about things as I am. I rarely take things for face value & I thoroughly enjoyed reading his experience.  

I'd also like to add that gratitude helps to extinguish uncomfortable or awkward situations. It takes some level of vulnerability to be grateful, so it makes us uncomfortable at times, but it does make things better & easier. 

anyway. Just a thought for you.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

last week.

Is it really already Tuesday?! Levi's been going into work late, so he can see Eleanora for an hour each day, and we've been sleeping in passed 7:00am,
so my days have seemed to FLY by. I wake up and feel like it's already time for lunch!
The days go even quicker when Levi let's little ole me sleep in until 9:00 (when he leaves for work). 

We only have 1 car right now, so when I have things going on during the day that I need the car for I drive Levi to and from work.
That means I’m picking him up after 11:00 sometimes. The city never ceases to amaze me at night. It’s so still & beautiful.


(left) Eleanora has been playing Barbies lately – with Lightening McQueen & Mater. ;]
(right) Katie babysat Eleanora while I had a midwife appointment last week and then we spent a few hours hanging out at her house.

Eleanora is ever curious these days…


We attended a Tea Party and Eleanora had a BLAST.
Mostly she was excited to not have pretend liquid in her teapots & HELLO… cupcakes!!


When you’re 2 the whole world is your playground!


I just love my little family. My heart is bursting lately is appreciation for them.
I’m married to the most patient & resolved man I’ve ever met, and I get to squish the cutest little cheeks all day long. Two is, so far, my very favorite age.

Not without hard moments each day, life is pretty dang wonderful, ya know? I feel like I can do anything if I have these 2 by my side.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Aunties, Music, and Hedgehogs!

My sister, Katie, lives about 20 minutes south of us. It's been so fun to party with her and have an instant friend during this move. She's an awesome auntie to Eleanora and way cooler than I'll ever be. This last week she invited Eleanora and me (and Levi, but he had to work.. boo!) to a benefit concert for her school! She teaches at an amazing charter school & I was pumped to attend and see her school. She was so sweet to think of inviting us!

Then we found out she'd be emceeing the show! Woo! Even better!

It was so much fun to attend & see Katie in action. Eleanora was a CHAMP through the whole program. The show was a HIT! Trace Bundy performed (if you haven't heard or seen him --- CHECK HIM OUT HERE) and was amazing. He was a really cool guy, too. Eleanora had a blast dancing through the show and afterwards getting to meet Katie's class pet (Benny, the hedgehog). 

It was such a fun evening. But, I will say the most entertaining part of the night was the last time Katie was on stage and re-introducing Trace Bundy after the intermission. She said, "and now, you won't be seeing me again, because I will be turning the remainder of the night over to Ted Bundy" hahahahahaha! Everyone lost it! Especially Trace himself. He was laughing so hard and we all could not stop!

So, if you have an embarrassing moment happen just be glad it wasn't on stage, with a spotlight on you and 200 people (including coworkers and your boss) watching....

Monday, March 10, 2014

Depression & Anxiety.

I have seen countless posts on blogs, instagram, and various other social media outlets about depression. Since about the start of the new year I feel like, for whatever reason, people are opening up about their own dealings with depression & anxiety. And I am so glad!

Although I've never dealt with clinical depression myself (granted, I've been sad in my life, grieved, gone through really hard times... but never had a chemical imbalance that would classify as depression or anxiety), I have dealt with it very close to home many, many times. And my heart aches for those who think that depression is something they are dealing with alone. Or that it makes them weak. Or "less than." Or damaged. Or misfit. Or like they are lacking in something (faith, optimism, empathy, etc...).  I understand that those feelings of shame and such often are symptoms of the ailment themselves, but it's hard to see those you love struggling through those things.

I don't really have a point to this blog post. I don't know what my purpose is in writing it other than to say... if you think you need help -- seek it. Find out if you do. Whether that's a visit to your doctor, a therapist, an honest conversation with a friend or spouse, a regular exercise schedule, or (ideally) all of the above... do what you need to do to be happy. Because you deserve to be happy & you deserve to healthy in the truest aspect of the word.  You are worth that. You are worth feeling happy & accepted. Life is too wonderful to let it pass you by feeling mediocre or apathetic. And if you need me to push you to do what you need to do, just let me know. ;) I am so, so passionate about this topic that, even if you're a complete stranger reading this, I would love to help you however I can. Because what you're going through is not normal -- but isn't weird. And there are things that can be done to help you. Find out what you need.

You're tuning out because it hurts too much to try
You're giving up before you've had your chance to fly
Josh Groban - Hideaway